We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
