She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
