he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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