Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
