I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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