Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
