DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
