yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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