Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
