Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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