if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
