He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
