somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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