Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
