I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
