So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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