Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
