I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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