omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
