I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
