Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
