So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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