Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
