You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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