just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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