apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
