Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
