WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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