I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
