ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
