any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
