get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
