In the future we'll all be gay
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
