nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
