I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
