this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
