I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's rum buckets o'clock
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
