Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
