better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
