Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
