So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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