Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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