can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
