But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
