Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
