The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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