I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
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It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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