dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just found puke in my bra..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
