a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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