I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
