I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
