"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
