apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
