help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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