I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
