i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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