I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
