I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
