My friends, they love my intelligence
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
