so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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