cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
