my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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i dont even know how to be here
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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