you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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