i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The Olympian is in my bed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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