I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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