I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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